HOSTING THE GAME
Advent Calendar of Questions: 24 Ideas to Share With Friends
One question a day from December 1 to 24, from lighthearted to personal: 24 ideas, two ways to play and a grand finale quiz on Christmas Eve.
An Advent calendar of questions swaps the chocolate for one question a day, from December 1 to December 24. You can play it in a group chat, with roommates, with family or with friends who don’t see much of each other over the holidays. Here are 24 questions sorted from the lightest to the most personal, two ways to run the calendar and a few ground rules so nobody feels pressured to share more than they want to.
Where does the Advent calendar come from?
According to Wikipedia’s article on the subject, the Advent calendar, from the German word Adventskalender, was first used by German Lutherans in the 19th and 20th centuries to count down the days to Christmas. Since the First Sunday of Advent can fall anywhere between November 27 and December 3, many reusable calendars simply start on December 1. Behind each door or window, one for each day up to Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, you might find a picture, a poem, part of a story or a small gift such as a toy or a chocolate.
The calendar has an American chapter, too. After World War II, the Richard Sellmer publishing house in Stuttgart received a license to print Advent calendars from the American occupation authorities in December 1945, and US soldiers coming home helped spread them. After Newsweek showed a picture of Eisenhower’s grandson on an Advent calendar in December 1953, demand rose massively. Today, some European villages even turn buildings into giant Advent calendars, and in the Nordic countries the “julekalender” is a TV or radio show that runs from December 1 to Christmas Eve. The question version keeps the same spirit: one door a day, and a little surprise behind it.
The idea: questions that get more personal every week
This calendar takes its cue from a well-known exercise, the 36 questions developed by psychologist Arthur Aron of Stony Brook University and presented by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. The questions are split into three sets, each one designed to be more probing than the previous one. Both people answer every question, alternating who goes first.
The practice page explains why it brings people closer: the questions encourage us to open up at the same time and at a similar pace as the other person, which makes it less likely that the sharing will feel one-sided. The calendar follows the same gradual climb, spread over four stretches of six days, with questions written for the occasion. It doesn’t claim to measure a friendship: it’s a daily excuse to tell each other stories.
How to run the calendar
- Over text. A “calendar keeper” posts the question of the day at a set time, in the morning for example. Everyone answers before the evening, in writing or with a voice memo.
- At home. Fold the 24 questions into numbered slips of paper and tuck them into a box, envelopes or little pouches. Draw the question of the day at breakfast or dinner.
- Many hands. In a group of four, each person secretly writes six questions. That way, the organizer gets surprised too.
- The right group size. Beyond ten people or so, the answers take a long time to read. It’s better to split into two smaller groups.
Days 1 to 6: questions to warm up
- Day 1. Which hot drink comforts you most in the winter?
- Day 2. What’s the first snow memory that comes to mind?
- Day 3. Which object from your childhood would you love to find again?
- Day 4. Which song puts you in a good mood in under ten seconds?
- Day 5. Which dish could you eat every week without ever getting tired of it?
- Day 6. If you could keep only one holiday decoration, which would it be?
Days 7 to 12: memories to share
- Day 7. What was your best moment with this group this year?
- Day 8. Which childhood mischief can you finally confess?
- Day 9. Which teacher, coach or grown-up made a lasting impression on you, and why?
- Day 10. Which trip, even a short one, surprised you the most?
- Day 11. What’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you during the holidays?
- Day 12. Tell the story of the first time you met someone in this group.
Days 13 to 18: “what if…” questions to dream a little
- Day 13. If you could learn any talent overnight, which would you choose?
- Day 14. Which period in history would you like to visit for a day?
- Day 15. Which activity would you like to try at least once next year?
- Day 16. If you could live in another country for a year, which one would you pick?
- Day 17. Which tradition would you like to invent for this group?
- Day 18. If you wrote a book about your life, what would the title be?
Days 19 to 24: what matters to you
- Day 19. What are you proud of this year, even if it’s something small?
- Day 20. Which quality do you admire in someone in this group?
- Day 21. What advice would you give the person you were ten years ago?
- Day 22. Which small gesture from a friend made you feel good recently?
- Day 23. What would you love this group to do together next year?
- Day 24. What’s your Christmas wish, for yourself or for someone else?
Ground rules so everyone feels comfortable
- The right to pass. Every player can skip a question without explaining why. The Greater Good Science Center’s page also suggests making sure, before you start, that everyone is comfortable sharing personal thoughts and feelings.
- Take turns. In a group chat, change who answers first every day, just like in the 36 questions exercise.
- Answers stay in the group. No screenshots sent elsewhere, and no answer dug up later to make fun of someone.
- Nothing that could unlock a password. Skip questions about birthdates, the street you grew up on or your first pet’s name: our guide to the questions you should never share explains why.
- A level that fits the group. With coworkers or a big group, stick to days 1 to 6 and 13 to 18. The more personal questions are better suited to close friends.
- No nagging. If someone goes quiet for a few days, let them jump back in whenever they want.
December 24: the grand finale quiz
On the last day, turn the whole month into a game. The calendar keeper picks about ten answers given during December, without saying who wrote them. Everyone guesses who wrote each answer: one point per correct guess, and a bonus point for the answer everyone had forgotten. Another option: each player can create their ten-question friendship quiz and send the link to the group for Christmas Eve. If you’re all getting together that night, read the winner’s name out loud right before dessert, or before the gift exchange if your group does a Secret Santa.
Keep it going after the holidays
Once the holidays are over, the 40 questions to ask your best friend continue the exercise one-on-one. And if the group is spread across several cities, the ideas for playing with friends from a distance help you keep the rhythm going over text or on a video call.